It's estimated 158,200 Americans die each year from alcohol and drug addiction.
Add to it, the people who survive, now multiply your number by 2 or 3 to figure out how many codependent people (men, women, children, neighbors, boss's, extended family members) are left to clean up the mess once again.
Just as addictions are progressive in nature, so is codependency. We are addicted to the addicted. Addicted to the chaos. At some point we crash, burn and reach our bottoms.
Research says we became codependent during our formative years, before the age of 7.
It's programmed into our brains; molded by the actions and words of our mothers, fathers, siblings, grandparents, teachers, and anyone else we have consistent contact with.
That programming determined our beliefs; what we think or don't think of ourselves and of the world around us. Our beliefs in turn choreographed our behavior and actions.
This is our "normal". If not changed, it will be our children's normal too.
Traits of codependency do include pleasing and helping others, but codependents also want to feel needed and important - that’s the key distinction. They try to control and change people and situations… by being “helpful”.
Codependents do this over taking care of themselves. We develop a strong, independent self. The key is to get to a place where you can be helpful, and nice and be unattached to the outcome.
Through no fault of our own, we...
- Become isolated.
- Don't learn to make friends.
- Are shy and quiet in social settings.
- Have low self-esteem.
- We're mature beyond our years because of the adult circumstances we dealt with on a day to day, minute by minute basis.
- Carried the blame for other peoples problems.
- Have an excessive need to please others.
- Have difficulty making decisions.
- Are unable to express our feelings.
- Become a do-it-yourself-er, unable to ask for help in any situation.
- Never feel like we measure up, no matter how hard we try.
- Give everything we have to keep them safe from themselves.
- Create a safe place for them to fall in absence of our own well-being.
- Attract unfulfilled relationships over and over.
- Become perfectionists.
Codependency can also happen in families dealing with other addictions such as eating, shopping, narcotics (prescribed or not), untreated mental illness, abuse, neglect. And even in families with exceptionally high standards… where you’re focus is all about living up to others expectations.
You can be codependent to your immediate family, your boss, friend, co-worker, neighbor, or extended family.
There are varying degrees of codependency and it may impact your life to varying degrees.
Thought and behavior patterns can be changed. You start by acknowledging the behaviors you’ve engaged in that are codependent and learn life skills not learned as a child.
It's never to late to have a meaningful, fulfilling life. It starts with a decision and a plan.
Codependency is the villain that robs us of childhood experiences, friends, dreams and goals.
Just as we're told to detach from our qualifiers with love, we must detach from codependency with LOVE.
(Lifelong . Opportunity . Vision . Enabled)
These programs have been used by hundreds of thousands of people all over the world, in all walks of life. You'll learn and develop life skills you did not develop as a child, through the Lifework weekly practices. Plus, you'll have weekly check-ins to keep you from falling back into old patterns.
Join me for a Discovery Session